Oct. 28, 2009 - Look both ways before crossing an open field or goblins may ambush you and steal your clothes. Oct. 29, 2009 - If your shoes don't match, you know 2 things. 1. You're not wearing matching shoes. 2. But you own more than 1 pair. Oct. 30, 2009 - Justice is best served hot with lots and lots of FIRE! Oct. 31, 2009 - Never go trick or treating without bringing along your trusty man-eating dog to defend your candy. Nov. 1, 2009 - Intel is not best presented by men of few words. Nov. 2, 2009 - If at first you don't succeed, try, try again until she says "yes" or you are given a restraining order. Nov. 3, 2009 - All hail Taryn and her date of birth. That's today. She draws the comics you like to read. Hail her! Nov. 4, 2009 - Don't mess with a kangaroo with a tie. He means business. Nov. 5, 2009 - If nobody ever listens to you, you may be a figment of someone’s imagination. Or you smell like feet and nobody likes you. Nov. 6, 2009 - Don't feed stray dogs or they'll follow you home and pee on your carpet. Nov. 7, 2009 - Never underestimate the power of a "Hoy." Nov. 8, 2009 - Skeleton Fighting - Lesson 1: Don't die. Nov. 9, 2009 - Skeleton Fighting - Lesson 2: Don't aim for the groin. Nov. 10, 2009 - Skeleton Fighting - Lesson 3: If you give a skeleton a cookie... He'll kill you. Nov. 11, 2009 - Skeleton Fighting - Lesson 4: Collect the bones. They make good tinder. Nov. 12, 2009 - Skeleton Fighting - Lesson 5: Make them cry by telling them they're fat. Nov. 13, 2009 - Skeleton Fighting - Lesson 6: Send Chuck Norris. Nov. 14, 2009 - Man cannot exist without video games. The history of man predating video games is made up. Nov. 15, 2009 - At fancy dinners, you will be given 3 forks. One is a fork. The other 2 are explosive devices. Choose wisely. Nov. 16, 2009 - Contrary to popular belief, black magic consists of more than just fire. Nov. 17, 2009 - Always look your best, even in the heat of battle. A pretty girl may be watching. Nov. 18, 2009 - Two plus two is almost always four. Nov. 19, 2009 - Arguments with your boss can be easily resolved by cutting him/her in half. Nov. 20, 2009 - Fight fire with MORE FIRE. Nov. 21, 2009 - The sword is mightier than the pen. I wouldn't want to fight Tala with a writing utensil. I'd want a bigger sword. Nov. 22, 2009 - Feskus is the wisest of the Nami Warriors. Learn from what he has to say. Nov. 23, 2009 - It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt and Zaefier tries to heal you but he can't, so he cries and cries and looks for Kyue, but he's trying to make a pretty dress for a girl Archer wants to woo and tells you to find another healer but your arm doesn't really hurt anymore because it was only a scratch. Nov. 24, 2009 - You have a craving for onion rings. Get some. Nov. 25, 2009 - Zombies make great pets if you know how to take care of them! Nov. 26, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #1: Remember to keep your zombie on a leash and pick up after it when walking your zombie. Nov. 27, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #2: Treat your zombie the way you would want to be treated if you had an endless craving for human flesh. Nov. 28, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #3: Train your zombie well and it will reward you by not peeing on you. Nov. 29, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #4: Keep your zombie on a strict no-meat diet. This will lessen the chance of them eating your brain. Nov. 30, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #5: Always get a zombie from a breeder if you want an indoor zombie. Dec. 1, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #6: Moderate how much food you give your zombie. Overfeeding may give your zombie painful gas pains. Dec. 2, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #7: Zombies are very emotional and respond positively to a happy environment. Dec. 3, 2009 - Zombie Pets - Tip #8: Your zombie likes to feel pretty too! Kyue can tailor beautiful dresses for your special zombie! Dec. 4, 2009 - Short on cash? Out of shape? Slay dragons! It's good exercise and they taste like chicken! Dec. 5, 2009 - Twilight is stupid. Dec. 6, 2009 - Never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. Seriously. Not good. Dec. 7, 2009 - It takes more than three licks to get to the middle of a Tootsie Pop. Dec. 8, 2009 - Hoy. Dec. 9, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#1: Purchase Guitar Hero and play it until your hands bleed. Dec. 10, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#2: Run around a mall wearing spandex and a cape while screaming "I'M A BAT! I'M BAT!" Dec. 11, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#3: Run into burning buildings. Heroes always come out alive. Dec. 12, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#4: Jump off a tall building. A real hero would never consider the possibility that he/she could not fly. Dec. 13, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#5: If you squint hard enough, you can shoot lazer beams from your eyes. Practice in public. Dec. 14, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#6: Use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to defeat the rabbit with big pointy teeth. Dec. 15, 2009 - Becoming a Hero - Tip#7: Always jump the elderly. They're full of evil... And hard candy. Dec. 16, 2009 - If your life was a video game #1: Save often. You never know when a blood-thirsty pack of wolves may be waiting for you when you do your laundry. Dec. 17, 2009 - If your life was a video game #2: Quit your job. Why work when you can easily enter the infinite money code? Dec. 18, 2009 - If your life was a video game #3: Hook yourself up to a backup battery in case of power outages. Dec. 20, 2009 - If your life was a video game #5: Your life revolves around a helpless princess who happens to get kidnapped over and over again. Go on vacation and let her rescue herself for once! Dec. 21, 2009 - If your life was a video game #6: Your biggest obstacle is to find the one and only Master Sword. Don't worry, there are hundreds of them around. Dec. 22, 2009 - If your life was a video game #7: If you were born before 1990, chances are you have no face, as your head is only made up of 3 or 4 squares. Dec. 23, 2009 - Get yourself some protective sports gear. It'll come in handy for boxing day shopping. Dec. 24, 2009 - If you are Christmas shopping today, I do not envy you. Good luck though, you might need it. Dec. 25, 2009 - Save a pig, eat a turkey. Save a turkey, eat a pig. Or eat both and just pretend to feel bad about it. Dec. 26, 2009 - If you got protective sports gear like I told you, you're all ready for boxing day shopping. If you didn't, I wish you good luck! Dec. 27, 2009 - How to make New Years more interesting #1: Yell "3… 2… 1… Happy birthday!" Dec. 28, 2009 - How to make New Years more interesting #2: Set yourself on FIRE! Dec. 29, 2009 - How to make New Years more interesting #3: Dress up like the easter bunny. Dec. 30, 2009 - How to make New Years more interesting #4: After the cheering has died down, cackle fiendishly. Dec. 31, 2009 - How to make New Years more interesting #5: At 5 seconds to go, yell "Happy new year!" and act like everyone else did it wrong. Jan. 1, 2010 - Change your name but don't tell anyone. Jan. 2, 2010 - Pretend everyone new you meet is made of chocolate. Act accordingly. Jan. 3, 2010 - Diplomatic resolutions do not work too well in shooter type video games. Jan. 4, 2010 - iPhones are set to explode and kill you when you least expect it. Feel free to send me one for proper disposal. Jan. 5, 2010 - Never leave a girl alone with chocolate. Jan. 6, 2010 - Do not start working on the Nami Warriors comic at 12am of the day they are due. *cough* Taryn *cough* Jan. 7, 2010 - If you throw a potato against a wall, it'll explode. Jan. 8, 2010 - Battle cries do not work well when trying to perform a sneak attack. Jan. 9, 2010 - <3 Rock Band DLC Jan. 10, 2010 - Subtlety is spelled: "C-H-A-R-G-E!" Jan. 11, 2010 - What TV has taught me #1: If I pour hazerdous waste down a sewer I'll create Ninja Turtles. Jan. 12, 2010 - What TV has taught me #2: Lab rats scheme diabolical plans at night to take over the world but never follow through. Jan. 13, 2010 - What TV has taught me #3:- sure Louis is Louis Jan. 15, 2010 - What TV has taught me #5: Identity theft is not a joke (Jim)! Millions of families suffer every year! Jan. 16, 2010 - Jumping on your partner's head and forcing them into spikes is NOT the point of Super Mario Bros Wii. Jan. 17, 2010 - You can never have too many weapons. Feel free to use Feskus' hammer space to store them. Jan. 18, 2010 - The Punch Buggy game never gets old. Remind your friends with a firm punch the next time you see one. Jan. 19, 2010 - You want nachos. Nachos are delicious. Get nachos now. Jan. 20, 2010 - When stealing someone's lunch always go after the fat kid's. Fat kids always have the best lunches. Jan. 21, 2010 - When playing online games, everyone is a "noob" but you. Feel free to loudly express your superiority. Jan. 22, 2010 - Don't play with lightning magic in the bath tub. Jan. 23, 2010 - Remember to pre-order your copy of Mass Effect 2! If you don't, zombies will eat your face. Jan. 24, 2010 - Send us your tips so we can pool our infinite knowledge! Jan. 25, 2010 - When playing Resident Evil with your girlfriend, try not to scream like a little girl. Jan. 26, 2010 - Mass Effect 2 is out! Go get your copy NOW! If you don't, zombies will eat your face…again… Jan. 27, 2010 - Any problem can be solved with a generous amount of FIRE. Jan. 28, 2010 - When writing for your website, reread what you type so you don't look like a fool with typos and grammar mistakes. Jan. 29, 2010 - Don't watch Happy Feet. You would think dancing penguins would be cute not nauseating to watch. Jan. 30, 2010 - Always shoot first and ask questions later. If that doesn't work, hit the reset button, shoot first, and ask questions later. Jan. 31, 2010 - If video games have taught me anything it's that disagreements are best resolved with battles to the death. Feb. 1, 2010 - If you randomly encounter any wildlife, do battle and kill it! It may have items, weapons, or even money on it. Feb. 2, 2010 - Don't make pizza with mouldy cheese. Feb. 3, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #1: Evil appearances are key. Subscribe to Evil Fashions Weekly for wardrobe tips. Feb. 4, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #2: Lackeys are crucial to evil success. An evil mastermind would never be seen fetching their own cappuccino. Feb. 5, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #3: To perfect your evil laugh, record yourself laughing normally and play it at half speed. That is what your evil laugh should sound like. Feb. 6, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #4: Do not use skeleton armies. They're frail, weak, and prone to unionizing. Feb. 7, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #5: Stealing candy from babies is a great way to establish your evilness. Feb. 8, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #6: A proper evil day starts off with a nutritiously evil breakfast. Feb. 9, 2010 - Lessons from Mavuul #7: Use the word "evil" as often as you can so others will know just how evil you really are. Feb. 10, 2010 - If you're having a bad day, just think of little Timmy. He's a sick, crippled orphan, with no future. He's pointing and laughing at you. Feb. 11, 2010 - Tired of your boyfriend/girlfriend? Smoke bombs are an easy way to get out of any situation! Feb. 12, 2010 - Here in Canada #1: We live in igloos and hold annual polar bear hunts. Feb. 13, 2010 - Here in Canada #2: It is law to use "eh" in every sentence. Feb. 14, 2010 - Here in Canada #3: We don't like Celine Dion either. Feb. 15, 2010 - Here in Canada #4: Our navy consists of Crazy Lou, a paddle boat, and his sling shot. Feb. 16, 2010 - Here in Canada #5: Our air force is still in the experimental paper plane stage.
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